I’m not much of a “handy” person. I’ve always admired people who can make something out of nothing, are willing to put in the work to build, or create things from raw materials.
That’s never been me. Sadly. Even as a kid. Free art – pass. Coloring page – I’m down. Play with this assortment of Lego bricks – eh. Build this mapped out Lego set – SWEET! Why do I mention this? Well, I believe that mentality crosses over into my daily life. If something needs to be fixed I’m more apt to just replace it altogether. If there’s a piece of furniture I desire to acquire best believe I’m checking Target or Ikea first, before I even entertain the idea of repurposing something from Goodwill. And it’s so ironic because I LOVE a good deal and all, but I’m just not a crafty person.
But, what happens when the things that need to be replaced are irreplaceable?
Recently, as I’m coming out of a season of a fairly decent bout of depression, I was getting myself ready for bed and happened to be wearing these silver stud earrings that my Dad had bought me for Christmas. He inadvertently left the price tag on them so I knew they were of significant value (even if my Dad did get some kind of deal on them – because he’s economical like that). Point is, because I saw what they were worth I tended not to wear them out much as everyday wear. I was always worried about one falling out – especially at my job which made me very selective in when and where I opted to sport them.
So, I’m going through my nightly routine and I hear something clink into the sink. My face goes completely still. My glasses are off so I can’t really see what may have fallen. I look up into the mirror–I only had one silver stud sparkling from my left earlobe… and nothing to match it from the right.
“No!” I cried, and began furtively trying to see if maybe it was wedged in between the stopper and the drain. Nothing. I dropped to the floor hoping that maybe it ricocheted out of the sink and on to a bath mat, but my gut told me that expensive earring was literally down the drain. I verbally and mentally beat myself up for about 30 minutes because…
1. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but the other “sacrifices” were cheaper and easily replaced or not too readily missed.
2. This was one of the few times my father had given me a jewelry gift that I really liked and was actively trying to protect.
To have to tell him that it just “fell down the drain” ate me up inside. And while he may have been gracious and forgiving – I felt it a careless, avoidable and unmitigated mistake.
All I could do was see my deficiencies, but really, as much as I wanted this earring back, I also didn’t want to risk trying, failing and making things worse.
It sent me into a spiral and I attributed a lot of it to other ways I’ve felt I failed or messed up, or been careless with my life lately (remember – just coming out of a major depressive fog). So, in retrospect this situation was likely not as heightened as it seemed at the time. One of my dear friends texted me later that night with consolation – and advice. She asked if I tried taking the sink drain apart to retrieve the earring. She immediately conveyed to me how she’s been able to salvage a few things…and here’s where things tie back to that handy factor.
All I could do was see my deficiencies, but really, as much as I wanted this earring back, I also didn’t want to risk trying, failing and making things worse. I wanted the solution to be simple – that this lost item could just be replaceable or that my attachment to it could be retractable. Neither of these things were the case. So I went to bed that night hopeless.
The next day I woke up and something in me had shifted. I went into my bathroom and looked at the sink again. In that moment – I decided to try. I decided that it was worth it to me and that it was something that I wanted. I decided that I couldn’t allow myself to truly be upset about the loss if I hadn’t done any and everything to try and get it back. To my surprise – once I got underneath and rooted around a bit, I realized that the SLIP NUT (yeah – I ended up having to look up that term) could be loosened by MY BARE HANDS!! Mankind’s number 1 tool from the Lord above!! Once I got those loose, I began to follow my friends instructions from the night before.
I decided that I couldn’t allow myself to truly be upset about the loss if I hadn’t done any and everything to try and get it back.
One primary lesson I gained from this experience – the business of retrieval can be messy and can REALLY stink! Let me tell you, when I separated that drain and dumped its contents into a giant bowl… I had another moment where I wanted to just say, “You know what… this may not be worth it,” and abandon the whole endeavor. But I had come too far not to see the task through. Through the murky waters I saw that familiar glimmer. I pulled out my “Pearl of Great Price!” It was tainted, but not completely tarnished. It wasn’t pristine, but could easily be restored. It would need time to return to its former glory, but it wasn’t beyond repair.
I was sweaty and gross and would definitely be taking a shower, but I got back what I desired. I FOUGHT for what was precious to me, and in that moment I realized what was happening and began to laugh hysterically! God, through this arbitrary slice of life, was helping me to see my situation more clearly.
“Have you exhausted EVERY option? If you left LA today and went back to Texas, would you feel content in saying you did EVERYTHING you possibly could…”
You see – that depressive episode that I’d mentioned coming out of was concerning my career and overall trajectory in life. I was grieving a lot of losses and disappointments and it caught up with me and created a huge sense of apathy and debilitation. I didn’t fight. I gave up. The solution for my life appeared too laborious and I felt ill-equipped at every turn. In my life, I chose to just wallow and lament my loss rather than fight to restore what was missing. I felt God ask me, “Have you exhausted EVERY option? If you left LA today and went back to Texas, would you feel content in saying you did EVERYTHING you possibly could – tried everything within your means?” I looked at my silver earring soaking in a jar – my Pearl – and realized that my possession had become a lesson.
And from that day on – things changed.
~Rodnesha
Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash
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